If You Can Dodge An Antique China Set
(you can dodge a ball)
This is how I start all of my e-mails to my dodgeball team, only with a different thing each time, each one better than the last. So far we've had traffic, a snow delay, silverware, and those fuzzy things that stick to sweaters. I think the next e-mail will include the late Marlon Brando.
As the entry suggests, I played dodgeball tonight and it was so much fun I can't begin to tell you all of the great things that happened. It's a co-ed league with organized rules, which, while I think of them as basic, some people who have played the game only remember everyone running around and killing each other. Let me tell you, dodgeball at my elementary and junior high had more strategy than any other game out there. It was just a blast to play.
The highlights...
Opening Scenario:
With the school for whatever reason locking up the matted court, we were forced to play on the basketball floor hardwood, which is not forgiving when diving away from heat-seeking missles. The opposing team had a guy even taller than me, and most of their guys had decent arms. The big guy had a gun. (Terminology as we go along.) Their girls, on the other hand, did little more than cringe, and on occasion their throws would not make it past the deadzone (halfcourt). Our team - Team Hit The Deck - was comprised of myself, Catcher; Chris Cox, Thrower, coworker and my best friend and mentor at SEL who had not played dodgeball since he was 7 (30 years ago); Stogie, Dodger, a left-handed tall woman from my volleyball team; Matt Anderson, Thrower, former mailroom guy at SEL, my age with a cannon; Robin, Dodger, another member of my volleyball team known for being timid, shy, and small; and Stella, Catcher, a drafted individual who was funny and had nice hands. Our subs couldn't make it, so we were on our own, the 6 of us forced to play all 11 rounds straight, 8 minute rounds or until all players were out.
The game was on.
Most Violence:
By far the most violent part of the game is the beginning, when everyone starts at their respective endline and rushes to the middle to get one of the three balls sitting in the deadzone. Since this is the only time in the game when you can enter the deadzone, and you can't be out while in it, total pandemonium ensues. I won a race to a ball at the beginning, and was a half-step slow the next time, but used my volleyball finger strength to reach in with one hand and rip it out of the opponent's arms. My opponent returned in Game 3 with a flying shoulder check as I went to get the ball. From then on it was mass insanity. Similar events were happening with the other two balls, and as the balls quickly got divided the throwing, catching, and dodging was on.
Most Fun:
I have to say the most fun part of the game (in a general sense) is that middle part of the game, where you're alert, not looking at anything in particular but using your peripheral vision to spot threats from all angles, muscles tense and prepared, ready to dive to the floor or make a saving catch. The back and forth nature of the game is utterly fantastic and I can say I was sold after 45 seconds. It only got better as it went.
Best Catch:
This award goes to Robin, who came out of nowhere to make a stunning case for a role as Catcher. In Round 6, we were up 2 to 1 - by which I mean we had Chris and Robin left, and they only had one guy. That guy, though, was their best thrower, the tall guy with a gun, and he unloaded a rising fastball to Robin, who already is stretching for 5'5". Somehow she stepped slightly to adjust her angle and got her hands around the ball, taking the force of the blast right under her chin, but hanging on without a bobble for an incredible game-winning catch. The team erupted and the quiet and timid Robin raised her arms in triumph and was mobbed by teammates. Catch of the Night.
Most Annoying:
Not that it was annoying, but the ref called an extremely tight out of bounds game. Having a foot on any line meant you were out. And that counted for catches, dodging, and throwing - regardless of the circumstances, you were out, even if you made a Jerry Rice-like catch on the sidelines, keeping two feet in, then stepping out. You had to stay in the whole time. Most Annoying is slightly unfair, as the ref called an excellently fair game, calling out opposing players as much as us. However, we struggled to adapt to the deadly touch of the lines.
Most Pain:
This award goes to the third game, when I was the last man standing against two of their decent males. They adopted the 2-at-once tactic, and though their aim was sketchy their timing was good, and I had to be careful of dodging away from one right into the other. Finally, my opening came, as the timing was off on the first throw and the second throw floated a bit. Standing near the back line, I dodged to the right to avoid the first, and threw my body back to the left to lean back and catch the second. The motion, however, took me off balance, and I wavered, leaning backwards to the back line. In desperation, I threw my legs out from under me to get to the floor as soon as possible and kill the momentum backwards, landing my full weight on my left butt cheek, which, while plump enough for sitting, was not meant for falling to the hardwood floor. I looked back; my butt was just grazing the line.
"Out!" the ref said, blowing his whistle.
My butt cheek throbbed for the rest of the night, doubly insulting because 1) you can never just clutch your ass and go "ooh, feeling it today" in public and 2) it was only the left one, so now going up stairs is killer, but only every other step. Oh, and 3) I WAS OUT!
There is no pain like the pain of being out.
Best Quote:
By far, the best quote was after Robin was tagged by a throw in her chest that she almost had but lost at the last moment. "Damn," she said to me as she joined me on the bench, "first he nailed the left boob, now he nails the other one!"
And now, the top 3 highlights of the night:
Best Kill:
Surprisingly, despite my Catcher status (an unofficial designation, but important to strategy), I ended up with the Best Kill of the night. Early in game 2, our teams traded missed throws, one ball going into each corner (which was a ways away from the play). The third and last ball was in my hands, with four ball-less targets. I ran up to the front middle at full speed - dangerous to throw from, but the other balls were far away - and threw my whole weight into my throwing motion, aiming at one of their big men. He started moving left, anticipating the coming throw. But as my arm came around, I held onto the ball in a full windmill and began tracking left quickly, following his motion. He stopped, realizing what I was doing, just as my arm came back around in a sidearm throw with all my sideways motion behind it, and I unleashed a tailing cannon shot.
BOOM!
The ball took the guy in the chest with a boom that echoed throughout the building. (Being non-sting dodgeballs, the balls have weight but are covered with a light foam covering. It stops the sting, but it doesn't prevent a good beatdown!) My whole team went nuts, still in the middle of the game. I pegged the guy again later as well, but the team voted that the power, plus the setup and finish made it the Best Kill of the Night.
Best Play:
Down to 2-on-2 in a heated round 5, we were facing yet again a tough duo of their two best men (including their gunner), while Chris and Robin dived for cover. Chris's throws occasionally had some heat, but were incosistent and Robin's throws tended to land far short of their target. Robin and Chris spread wide, creating two targets, and the opponents decided to try to pick her off first. Robin dodged a ball coming from the side, and got off-balance, making a prime target for their big gun, who unloaded his best fastball of the night and cracked Robin in the chest, almost knocking her over and sending the ball flying almost to the ceiling.
Chris, despite being on the opposite side of the court, took off, a 37-year old IT manager giving it his all for the team. He raced to the diagonal opposite corner, where the ball was just coming down, and slid feet first at the last instant, trying to get under the ball. Now I have to put this into slow motion, although in reality all the following happened in less than a second. Chris grazed it with his fingertips, but his momentum carried him forward, his head hitting the ball and bumping it up slightly. Somehow Chris stayed with the play, getting his hands back to his face to get another piece of the ball as it came down, and then - sliding now completely on his back - reaching back over his shoulder and snagging the ball on the third juggle, pinning it to his shoulder and the side of his head. The team went nuts. Robin, who was about to be out, was saved. Their big gun was out, and their last player foot-faulted on the very next play. Team Hit The Deck was absolutely bananas. Play of the Match and of the Year so far: Chris Cox.
Final Outcome:
After starting up 2-0, the games became tight. The match was tied at 2-2, 3-3, and 4-4 in this best of 11 (first to six) match. But as the match got late, our lack of subs really began to show. Mental errors from exhaustion contributed to our downfall in a very winnable Round 10, and the match was called due to time (and some questionable rules interpretation). We finished on the wrong end of a 6-4 score. Since there is one point awarded for each round, and two points for a match win, Team Hit The Deck picks up 4 points. Not a bad showing, particularly since it got down to the wire!
Next week is the doubleheader, which should be more fun then you can handle. Everyone on the team loved playing, and it looks like we got a fabulous group. On with the dodgeball madness!!
Because remember: If you can dodge the late Marlon Brando, you can dodge a ball.
This is how I start all of my e-mails to my dodgeball team, only with a different thing each time, each one better than the last. So far we've had traffic, a snow delay, silverware, and those fuzzy things that stick to sweaters. I think the next e-mail will include the late Marlon Brando.
As the entry suggests, I played dodgeball tonight and it was so much fun I can't begin to tell you all of the great things that happened. It's a co-ed league with organized rules, which, while I think of them as basic, some people who have played the game only remember everyone running around and killing each other. Let me tell you, dodgeball at my elementary and junior high had more strategy than any other game out there. It was just a blast to play.
The highlights...
Opening Scenario:
With the school for whatever reason locking up the matted court, we were forced to play on the basketball floor hardwood, which is not forgiving when diving away from heat-seeking missles. The opposing team had a guy even taller than me, and most of their guys had decent arms. The big guy had a gun. (Terminology as we go along.) Their girls, on the other hand, did little more than cringe, and on occasion their throws would not make it past the deadzone (halfcourt). Our team - Team Hit The Deck - was comprised of myself, Catcher; Chris Cox, Thrower, coworker and my best friend and mentor at SEL who had not played dodgeball since he was 7 (30 years ago); Stogie, Dodger, a left-handed tall woman from my volleyball team; Matt Anderson, Thrower, former mailroom guy at SEL, my age with a cannon; Robin, Dodger, another member of my volleyball team known for being timid, shy, and small; and Stella, Catcher, a drafted individual who was funny and had nice hands. Our subs couldn't make it, so we were on our own, the 6 of us forced to play all 11 rounds straight, 8 minute rounds or until all players were out.
The game was on.
Most Violence:
By far the most violent part of the game is the beginning, when everyone starts at their respective endline and rushes to the middle to get one of the three balls sitting in the deadzone. Since this is the only time in the game when you can enter the deadzone, and you can't be out while in it, total pandemonium ensues. I won a race to a ball at the beginning, and was a half-step slow the next time, but used my volleyball finger strength to reach in with one hand and rip it out of the opponent's arms. My opponent returned in Game 3 with a flying shoulder check as I went to get the ball. From then on it was mass insanity. Similar events were happening with the other two balls, and as the balls quickly got divided the throwing, catching, and dodging was on.
Most Fun:
I have to say the most fun part of the game (in a general sense) is that middle part of the game, where you're alert, not looking at anything in particular but using your peripheral vision to spot threats from all angles, muscles tense and prepared, ready to dive to the floor or make a saving catch. The back and forth nature of the game is utterly fantastic and I can say I was sold after 45 seconds. It only got better as it went.
Best Catch:
This award goes to Robin, who came out of nowhere to make a stunning case for a role as Catcher. In Round 6, we were up 2 to 1 - by which I mean we had Chris and Robin left, and they only had one guy. That guy, though, was their best thrower, the tall guy with a gun, and he unloaded a rising fastball to Robin, who already is stretching for 5'5". Somehow she stepped slightly to adjust her angle and got her hands around the ball, taking the force of the blast right under her chin, but hanging on without a bobble for an incredible game-winning catch. The team erupted and the quiet and timid Robin raised her arms in triumph and was mobbed by teammates. Catch of the Night.
Most Annoying:
Not that it was annoying, but the ref called an extremely tight out of bounds game. Having a foot on any line meant you were out. And that counted for catches, dodging, and throwing - regardless of the circumstances, you were out, even if you made a Jerry Rice-like catch on the sidelines, keeping two feet in, then stepping out. You had to stay in the whole time. Most Annoying is slightly unfair, as the ref called an excellently fair game, calling out opposing players as much as us. However, we struggled to adapt to the deadly touch of the lines.
Most Pain:
This award goes to the third game, when I was the last man standing against two of their decent males. They adopted the 2-at-once tactic, and though their aim was sketchy their timing was good, and I had to be careful of dodging away from one right into the other. Finally, my opening came, as the timing was off on the first throw and the second throw floated a bit. Standing near the back line, I dodged to the right to avoid the first, and threw my body back to the left to lean back and catch the second. The motion, however, took me off balance, and I wavered, leaning backwards to the back line. In desperation, I threw my legs out from under me to get to the floor as soon as possible and kill the momentum backwards, landing my full weight on my left butt cheek, which, while plump enough for sitting, was not meant for falling to the hardwood floor. I looked back; my butt was just grazing the line.
"Out!" the ref said, blowing his whistle.
My butt cheek throbbed for the rest of the night, doubly insulting because 1) you can never just clutch your ass and go "ooh, feeling it today" in public and 2) it was only the left one, so now going up stairs is killer, but only every other step. Oh, and 3) I WAS OUT!
There is no pain like the pain of being out.
Best Quote:
By far, the best quote was after Robin was tagged by a throw in her chest that she almost had but lost at the last moment. "Damn," she said to me as she joined me on the bench, "first he nailed the left boob, now he nails the other one!"
And now, the top 3 highlights of the night:
Best Kill:
Surprisingly, despite my Catcher status (an unofficial designation, but important to strategy), I ended up with the Best Kill of the night. Early in game 2, our teams traded missed throws, one ball going into each corner (which was a ways away from the play). The third and last ball was in my hands, with four ball-less targets. I ran up to the front middle at full speed - dangerous to throw from, but the other balls were far away - and threw my whole weight into my throwing motion, aiming at one of their big men. He started moving left, anticipating the coming throw. But as my arm came around, I held onto the ball in a full windmill and began tracking left quickly, following his motion. He stopped, realizing what I was doing, just as my arm came back around in a sidearm throw with all my sideways motion behind it, and I unleashed a tailing cannon shot.
BOOM!
The ball took the guy in the chest with a boom that echoed throughout the building. (Being non-sting dodgeballs, the balls have weight but are covered with a light foam covering. It stops the sting, but it doesn't prevent a good beatdown!) My whole team went nuts, still in the middle of the game. I pegged the guy again later as well, but the team voted that the power, plus the setup and finish made it the Best Kill of the Night.
Best Play:
Down to 2-on-2 in a heated round 5, we were facing yet again a tough duo of their two best men (including their gunner), while Chris and Robin dived for cover. Chris's throws occasionally had some heat, but were incosistent and Robin's throws tended to land far short of their target. Robin and Chris spread wide, creating two targets, and the opponents decided to try to pick her off first. Robin dodged a ball coming from the side, and got off-balance, making a prime target for their big gun, who unloaded his best fastball of the night and cracked Robin in the chest, almost knocking her over and sending the ball flying almost to the ceiling.
Chris, despite being on the opposite side of the court, took off, a 37-year old IT manager giving it his all for the team. He raced to the diagonal opposite corner, where the ball was just coming down, and slid feet first at the last instant, trying to get under the ball. Now I have to put this into slow motion, although in reality all the following happened in less than a second. Chris grazed it with his fingertips, but his momentum carried him forward, his head hitting the ball and bumping it up slightly. Somehow Chris stayed with the play, getting his hands back to his face to get another piece of the ball as it came down, and then - sliding now completely on his back - reaching back over his shoulder and snagging the ball on the third juggle, pinning it to his shoulder and the side of his head. The team went nuts. Robin, who was about to be out, was saved. Their big gun was out, and their last player foot-faulted on the very next play. Team Hit The Deck was absolutely bananas. Play of the Match and of the Year so far: Chris Cox.
Final Outcome:
After starting up 2-0, the games became tight. The match was tied at 2-2, 3-3, and 4-4 in this best of 11 (first to six) match. But as the match got late, our lack of subs really began to show. Mental errors from exhaustion contributed to our downfall in a very winnable Round 10, and the match was called due to time (and some questionable rules interpretation). We finished on the wrong end of a 6-4 score. Since there is one point awarded for each round, and two points for a match win, Team Hit The Deck picks up 4 points. Not a bad showing, particularly since it got down to the wire!
Next week is the doubleheader, which should be more fun then you can handle. Everyone on the team loved playing, and it looks like we got a fabulous group. On with the dodgeball madness!!
Because remember: If you can dodge the late Marlon Brando, you can dodge a ball.
Labels: Sports
posted by Mat | 10:01 PM
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