An Ounce of Gold Or An Ounce of Time
(what is more precious?)
Two months.
There has been so much turmoil in my life in that time, and the saddest part is that it is those times where I need this blog the most. Many times I missed writing in it - yet now is the first time since then.
Why?
So many events:
- Julie and I finish the summer together and determine to still visit, but take a year break from exclusive dating, this time with zero restrictions (or expectations).
- I have moved out of my apartment in Bethel Park and into an apartment in Squirrel Hill with my great friends Dave and Nate.
- My work was flooded out in a massive water main breakage for two weeks and I worked furiously in Bridgeville at our disaster recovery site.
- Margaret returned from Maine and proceeded to greatly confuse me again.
- My dodgeball team won the Summer 2005 PSL Championship, which garnered us a sweet trophy and everyone individual, monogrammed, high-quality water bottle/jugs and SERIOUS bragging rights.
- I keep derailing a budding friendship with Luke by not being able to spend full nights getting to have a good time.
- The more I think about Jess, the more I began doubting my decision.
And every one of these isn't just blog worthy; it's blog-entry worthy. Every one. Each one I look at causes so many thoughts jump to mind I can barely comprehend it. This blog is meant to keep those thoughts straight, to give me some time to reflect. It was doing a wonderful job.
Yet no posts. Why?
I need this blog - I need it to keep my thoughts straight. I feel like I missed out on life in the last two months, even though this time it's not of my own cause. But I'm tired of missing out, real or not.
So I continue again. Friends asked me whether I was still blogging - but a great bonus of blogging for oneself is that there is no need to write due to pressure other than internal, no one to please but yourself. The writing is so much more true. So much more important.
So I continue again - so I start again - so I continue again. Burn the paper.
Two months.
There has been so much turmoil in my life in that time, and the saddest part is that it is those times where I need this blog the most. Many times I missed writing in it - yet now is the first time since then.
Why?
So many events:
- Julie and I finish the summer together and determine to still visit, but take a year break from exclusive dating, this time with zero restrictions (or expectations).
- I have moved out of my apartment in Bethel Park and into an apartment in Squirrel Hill with my great friends Dave and Nate.
- My work was flooded out in a massive water main breakage for two weeks and I worked furiously in Bridgeville at our disaster recovery site.
- Margaret returned from Maine and proceeded to greatly confuse me again.
- My dodgeball team won the Summer 2005 PSL Championship, which garnered us a sweet trophy and everyone individual, monogrammed, high-quality water bottle/jugs and SERIOUS bragging rights.
- I keep derailing a budding friendship with Luke by not being able to spend full nights getting to have a good time.
- The more I think about Jess, the more I began doubting my decision.
And every one of these isn't just blog worthy; it's blog-entry worthy. Every one. Each one I look at causes so many thoughts jump to mind I can barely comprehend it. This blog is meant to keep those thoughts straight, to give me some time to reflect. It was doing a wonderful job.
Yet no posts. Why?
I need this blog - I need it to keep my thoughts straight. I feel like I missed out on life in the last two months, even though this time it's not of my own cause. But I'm tired of missing out, real or not.
So I continue again. Friends asked me whether I was still blogging - but a great bonus of blogging for oneself is that there is no need to write due to pressure other than internal, no one to please but yourself. The writing is so much more true. So much more important.
So I continue again - so I start again - so I continue again. Burn the paper.
posted by Mat | 2:59 PM
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